Laughter: The best ab work out :) - Simple Weight Loss Methods for Lovelies

To answer the never-ending 'I am over weight' cry of all the lovely ladies, I am listing below

Six best (and extremely simple) practices to help shed weight. These practices have helped a lot of ladies around me to get rid of the gunny-bags thighs, MRF-tyre tummies, and stuff toy face that everyone likes to play -- you know, when idiots pull the cheeks and say, 'so cute so cute' while you actually hear: 'fat cow fat cow.'

These practices have helped the fattest of cows turn into whitest of Swans. But, the change doesn't happen over-night. Just because you are following these steps, doesn't mean a fairy god-mother will come, in the middle of the night, and sprinkle some of the magic dust, and taadaa, the next day you will look like a super-model. It takes time, and most importantly, an iron will to stick to the discipline; it is easier said than done.

I am no doctor or a certified dietician or some one who charges a lot of money to tell you common sense. And these practices are nothing but common sense. There is no medication involved here or any direction towards liposuction and other short-cuts.

These steps are NOT work-out pointers or what-to-eat list, for that matter. The things listed below are universal, and can be of help to everyone, and could be coupled with the routine, you are already involved with -- Gym, Jogging, Yoga etc.

Also, ever wondered why the fairy god-mother never gets old. Because she uses all her that magic dust on her. So, instead of waiting for that selfish lady to show some consideration, its best to take matters in your own hand.

Zeenat Aman: The Other Side.

1. Sleep on Time: Even if Brat Pitt offers you a foot massage at 10:01 p.m., take a deep breath, look into his eyes and Ditch the dude for he is a minute too late. If a guy cannot respect your time, even his six packs cannot make you forgive him and change your FIRM decision of taking the beauty sleep. There is a reason it is called Beauty Sleep. So Sleep. Also, please resist the temptation to sit and chat and discuss other people's life late in the night at the cost of your unhappiness -- that will eventually appear in the form of double chin.
   
   
2. Don't even touch processed-fired food: Anything that is fired and packed, like Chips, fried namkeen etc, should be kept away. Most times, these foods have something called as MSG (Aginotmoto). It's a taste enhancing chemical. There have been reports of hormonal imbalance due to its consumption -- even if its consumed on a semi-regular basis. The ready-to-eat soups have MSG. So unless you want to be seen in the zoo along side Jumbo - the lovely elephant. Avoid MSG. And FYI, MSG (Mono Sodium Glutamate) is a proven carcinogen. While at it, add Cola drinks to the list of untouchables. Its not just the excessive sugar in cola drinks that is harmful, but also the Carbon-di-oxide gas. Simply put: It is all gas.
   
   
3. Early Dinner: I am not asking you to turn into a Jain Muni and have dinner at 6 p.m., but, having dinner atleast 2 hours before bed time helps the food take its natural course, naturally.
   
   
4. Milk: Ladies, you need more calcium. Or rather the calcium need to be replenished more often in your body, than in moustache bearing people. Calcium is a major mineral in our body - pearly whites, bones et al. Even the slightest deficiency in calcium causes the whole system to go yo-mama on your ass, literally. Unless you are the colour-blind Jumbo, you must be aware that milk is an excellent source of calcium. So please block your nose, close your eyes, and have that glass of milk: Cream, Semi-Cream, No-Cream, Skimmed, Ultra-skimmed, Ultra-Blatra-Skimmed, it doesn't matter. Help Yourself. Minimum of 1 tall glass (300 ml) a day will take you long long way. I mean Rehka-long way.
   
   
5. Never Starve: Never-fucking-ever. NEVER. Skipping a meal does more harm than good. Or rather does only harm. Just because you have decided to skip some calories, your system has not. Even basic functions like breathing, maintenance of normal body temperature and blood circulation need energy / calories. I won't go into much details here, but please remember: digestive system is not like boys, who can be kept dangling to add to the romance. If you try to pull a stunt like starving with your body, that dangled boy will eventually have to carry you to the ER. Starving cuts nutrients to our brain. So there is a high chance of a transfer from the Emergency Room to Psychiatric Ward. Instead, munch on fruits and raw vegetables. Sweeties like water-melon, cucumber etc. are mostly water. And hence also make you skin glow. (Dear Lakme, You thought you were the only one. Ha!)
   
   
6. Buy a gun: Keep a shot-gun handy, you know, when ever someone is trying to mock tease you 'moti-moti'. Kill the mofo. End of story. No more stress. World is good again. Okay, on a serious note: Just by the fact that you are a woman, you are beautiful. Men are still half monkeys. I'll be first one to admit it. I know it first hand. I am the biggest one. Even if we can drive with one hand, the other hand is still on the tree branch. We miss the details. We can't distinguish shit from sunshine and tend to follow what's trending. For us, the grass is never the greenest; but we are working on it, and we love you and will continue to. But you, on other hand, are fucking magic. You are the reason the world still has human life. Don't get stressed about the way you look, especially just for a guy. Be sexy for your own self. It's much more rewarding. And results do appear if you work towards something 'for-me' rather that 'for-him' or in some cases 'just-to-show-that-bitch.' You may be a little on the healthier side. So what? Deal with it. Truth be told, no one wants to be with a FTV type stick, we all love katrina. Got it? Get It? Good.
   
   
7. Go on. Have fun. Break Rules. Don't bother too much. Don't stress over following advice and searching advice and listing advice and retiring advice and renewing advice. A Million People will give you 6 million points. Go deaf and listen to your self. And eat chocolate, but in moderation. Chocolate is not just a sweet or comfort food or a luxury item; it is something beyond that I cannot put into words. Its fuel for your lady soul. Darker the better ;)

If you are a girl, be a naughty girl. If you are a lady, be a sexy lady. And if you are a mom, be a sugar mama.

Next time you see yourself in the mirror, wiggle out that hip, kiss your a finger and make the sizzling sound. Its always about the simple joys and little worriers that keep us human. Imagine, if you were the so called definition of perfect, that would be so uninteresting. Keep it real. Make it happen.

 Yet, believe in fairy tales. I do.

PS: Don't listen to any Bollywood Actress, they are all paid parrots.

Originally Posted at Lotus Feel